Chocolate Chunk Hunk

(quasi serious and operatic)
Ours is a delicious and forbidden love affair.
I'd go as far as calling it Shakespearean.
Liason by liason, every moment I can spare
till my proportions border on Wagnerian.

I haven't told my husband, or my lover, or my kids.
They're blind to mommy's naughty indescretions.
But I'm tired of all the secrets, and my diet's on the skids,
so it's time, I guess, to make a full confession.

(takes out an ooey gooey item of chocolate wonderfulness, to which she addresses the remainder of the song--in a cheesy, cute, Andrew Lloyd Webber kind of way)
I like him 'cause he's lumpy.
I like him 'cause he's sweet,
but then one day he's hanging around, and
I can't see my feet.

I like him 'cause he takes my mind
off all that other junk.
He's my sweetie pie, my candy, my honey my
Chocolate Chunk..... Hunk.

__

My friends all say he's danger, but
I just can't turn away.
I'm so infatuated with
my sugar pie today.

I can't resist: I sneak a kiss
and then I lick my lips.
And wouldn't you know: for the rest of my life
he's hanging around my hips!

I love him cause he makes me smile
when I am in a funk.
He's my sweetie, pie, my candy, my honey my
Chocolate Chunk....hunk.

---
My Snickers, Kit Kat, Mars and Hershey
mine for better-y or worse-y
Chewy, cherry chocolate chunk....hunk.

Eat Up!

A group number possibility! Could easily be sung by all women!



lyrics:

IF YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT,
THEN I’M CHEAP, EASY AND FAST.
I EAT DESSERT FIRST
AND SAVE THE WORST FOR LAST.
LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO EVER REALLY GET YOUR FILL.
BUT WILL I GO DOWN BITING?
YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I WILL!

YOU GOTTA EAT UP,
EAT UP!
AND SWALLOW ALL YOUR PRIDE.
‘CAUSE IT’S NOT
WHAT YOU GOT,
BUT HOW MUCH YOU GOT INSIDE.
SO QUICK,
GO ON AND LICK
THOSE FINGERS AND RAISE THAT OVERFLOWING CUP.
IF YOUR LIFE’S GONNA GET YOU DOWN,
YOU BETTER EAT UP.

KATE: IF YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT
THEN I AM MAC AND CHEESE:
COMFY, WARM, AND COUNTRY-MADE
AND CERTAIN, SIR, TO PLEASE.
LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO SETTLE FOR A MORSEL LESS
THAN WHAT OU NEED FOR HEALTH AND STRENGTH AND
HAP-HAP-HAPPINESS

SO EAT UP!
EAT UP!
AND SWALLOW ALL YOUR PRIDE
‘CAUSE IT’S NOT
WHAT YOU GOT
BUT HOW MUCH YOU GOT INSIDE.
SO QUICK
GO ON AND LICK
THOSE FINGERS AND RAISE THAT OVERFLOWING CUP.
YOU KNOW LIFE’S GONNA GET YOU DOWN,
SO YOU BETTER EAT UP.

GRANDMA: IF I’VE GOTTA BE WHAT I EAT,
THEN I’LL BE WEDDING CAKE.
LIFE WITH YOU IS SWEETER THAN ANYTHING
SARAH LEE COULD MAKE.
LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO SPEND IT WAITING,
GRIEVING, MAD, OR BLUE
SO WHEN LIFE HANDS ME LEMON CHIFFON
I KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO.
(spoken) Help me out, guys.

ALL: THERE’S SO MUCH I’VE GOTTA TRY
BEFORE IT’S ALL TOO LATE.
I’M GONNA...ORDER ME ONE WITH EVERYTHING
AND WATCH...ME...LICK...MY...PLATE!
EAT UP!
EAT UP!
EAT UP!
EAT UP!

GABE: IF YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT
THEN I’M A FOUR-STAR DISH.
AND IF YOU ORDER IT DRESSED TO KILL,
I’M SURE TO GRANT YOUR WISH.
TAKE A CHANCE ON MY CUISINE , AND TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT
I’LL KEEP GETTING MORE DELICIOUS
BITE BY BITE BY BITE!

ALL: BUT YOU’VE GOT TO EAT UP!
EAT UP!
AND SWALLOW ALL YOUR PRIDE.
CAUSE IT’S NOT
WHAT YOU GOT.

GABE: BUT HOW MUCH OF ME THAT YOU’VE GOT INSIDE!

ALL: SO REAL QUICK, GO ON AND LICK
THOSE FINGERS AND RAISE THAT OVERFLOWING CUP!

WOMEN: CAUSE LIFE’S A BIG, FAT, SCARY CLOWN.

MEN: LIFE’S A BITCH THAT SLEEPS AROUND.

ALL: LIFE IS SURE TO GET YOU DOWN,
SO EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT!
EAT UP!
EAT UP!
EAT UP!
.

.
Performed by Amanda Miller, Megan O'Connell, Allison Wissman, and Cathy Hirsch at the "Girls Night Out" Cabaret.

I Wanna Be....A Sex Object!

In FAT GIRLFRIEND, this number follows Little Jenny's "Disney Heroine



Lyrics:

ALL THOSE SKINNY DISNEY BITCHES I COULD NEVER EMULATE
NO MATTER HOW MUCH PROZAC I MAY TAKE OR HARD I TRY.
I COULD WANT AND WISH MY HEART OUT,
BUT IN THE END IT’S JUST THE WITCHES IN THE WORLD
WHO GET THE BALLS AND MEANS TO FLY,
AND IF I’M FLYING SOLO,
I’LL MAKE THIS SONG MY OWN,
AND CHOOSE TO EMULATE SOME OTHERS I HAVE KNOWN.
YES, I WILL BE THE GIRL WITH LOTS OF MYSTERIES
AND LIES IN HER...AND GUYS IN HER!
(spoken)
I WANNA BE A SEX OBJECT....NOT A PRINCESS.
(sung)
SO SCREW YOU, MICHAEL EISNER!

And I would, too! Say what you will, that guy’s gotta be loaded.

I WANNA BE....A SEX OBJECT
THE KIND OF PRETTY LITTLE KITTY THAT I’VE NEVER EVER BEEN.
I WANNA BE....A SEX OBJECT,
AND BE A SMOKIN’ HOT ELEVEN ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN.
I WANT MY BRAINS TO BE IGNORED WHILE I AM OGLED, JEERED, AND NECKED.
OH, HOW DIVINE IF I COULD FINALLY BE A SEX OBJECT.

I WANNA BE (SHE’S GONNA BE)...A SEX OBJECT
THE KIND OF LADY WHO IS SHADY AND IS CERTAIN TO PLEASE.
I WANNA BE (SHE’S GONNA BE)...A SEX OBJECT
WHO HAS A KNACK WHEN IN THE SACK FOR PLAYIN' DOCTOR, BIRDS, AND BEES.
AND I WILL NOT FIND IT SURPRISING IF YOUR TEMP--AND THINGS--ARE RISING
AS YOUR EYES AND MY POSTERIOR CONNECT.
ME AND YOU WILL LOOK SO CUTE,
WE’LL WEAR TIGHT PANTS AND SHAKE OUR BOOTIES,
IF SOMEHOW I’D ONLY GET TO BE A SEX OBJECT.

I WANNA KICKLINE (SHE’S GONNA KICKLINE) LIKE A SEX OBJECT.
THE KIND OF BETTY WHO IS READY AND JUST DRIPPIN WITH SIN.
I’M GONNA BE (YOU KNOW SHE’S GONNA BE) A SEX OBJECT.
I’LL MAKE THE BOYS ALL STAND IN LINE TO TAKE MY HEINE FOR A SPIN.
AND IF I SING (LA LA)
OR IF I DANCE (LA LA LA)
OR FLASH MY TITS (LA LA LA LA)
OR DROP MY PANTS (LA LA LA LA LA)
I KNOW THE SIGHT’LL DRIVE EM WILD (DOOMBA, DOOMBA, DOOMBA…)
WITH RESPECT (HELL NO!)
(SHE’LL BE A TEMPTRESS AND A TREAT)
THEY’LL SEE ME AS A PIECE OF MEAT!
OH WHAT A FEAT FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME.
TO FINALLY GIVE THE MILK AWAY FOR FREE
AND TO BE....A SEX OBJECT! (SHE’S GONNA BE A SLUTTY SEX OBJECT!)

Vixen!

Dirty Christmas Karaoke at its finest....kind of.



Lyrics:

VIXEN WAS THE REINDEER FOR THE NAUGHTY BOYS
AND WHEN SHE CAME ON CHRISTMAS EVE
SHE BROUGHT A SILKY SATIN SATCHEL FILLED WITH TOYS
THAT SANTA WASN’T MAN ENOUGH TO LEAVE

VIXEN VISITS FELLAS ON THE NAUGHTY LIST
AND SHE’LL BE GETTIN' POINTS AT ALL THE JOINTS THE BIG GUY MISSED.
THE GOOD BOYS HEAR THE RUMORS AND THE BAD ONES KNOW
FOR A GOOD TIME CALL 555-HO-HO-HO-HO
(VA-VA-VA-VIXEN)


VIXEN SHIMMY-IMMIES DOWN THE CHIM-EN-Y STACK
ONE FOOT IN THE FIRE PLACE, THE OTHER IN THE SACK
STAND BACK, SAINT NICK, YOU’VE GOTTA LOT TO LEARN,
SCREW THE YULE LOG, IT’S TIME TO WATCH VIXEN BURN.

VIXEN LIGHTS YOUR HEART AFIRE AND SETS YOUR PULSE A RACING
SHE’LL USE THIS LINE AND EVERY TIME, SHE’LL GET THE ONE SHE’S CHASING:
“WINE ME, BABY, DINE ME, YOU CAN EVEN WILDEST DREAM ME...
IS THAT MISTLE TOE IN YOUR POCKET...OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME????”
(VA-VA-VA-VIXEN)

VIXEN’S HOT TO TROT WITH SILVER SLEIGH BELLS ALL A JINGLIN'
AND WHEN SHE STARTS TO WAIL, BABY, THAT AIN’T NO SANTA SINGIN’
VIXEN’S GOTTA LOTTA NERVE, SHE’S GOTTA LOTTA BRASS
SOME PEOPLE LIKE IT IN THE MORNING,
VIXEN LIKES IT IN THE GRASS!

VIXEN WAS THE REINDEER FOR THE NAUGHTY BOYS
AND WHEN SHE COMES ON CHRISTMAS EVE
SHE BRINGS A SILKY SATIN SATCHEL FILLED WITH TOYS
THAT SANTA WASN’T MAN ENOUGH TO LEAVE....

VIXEN!

Disney Heroine

In Fat Girlfriend, "Little Jenny" represents the main character's youthful and innocent desires. This is her "I Want" song.



Lyrics:

I WANNA BE A DISNEY HEROINE,
WEARING A TIARA AND AMPHETAMINE EYES.
I WANT THE FACE AND THE WAIST AND THE CHEST
AND A DRESS IN A PHYSICALLY IMPLAUSIBLE SIZE.
I WANT A PRINCELY AND WELL-DRAWN MAN
WHO IS TAN, AND WILL CHARM ME
AS ONLY ANIMATION CAN.
ANIMAL FRIENDS WHO ARE FUNNY AND SMART,
AND IMPECCABLE HAIR
AND A SONG IN MY HEART
(INSERT ARIEL-ESQUE AHHHHH HERE)
I WANT TO WAKE FROM A SPELL
WITH A MAGICAL KISS
THEN RIDE OF INTO UNSCRIPTED MARITAL BLISS.
OH WHAT COULD BE HAPPIER AND SAPPIER THAN THIS,
JUST WAITING FOR LIFE TO BEGIN?
THE LIFE OF A DISNEY HEROINE

Someday, I’m going to run away to a perfectly-illustrated woodland scene, where I’ll meet a lot of talking animals and possibly dancing trees. Unfortunately, I’ll get some random curse put on me by a stereotyipcally-ethnic villain. Fortunately, I’ll just happen to be rescued by this fabulously well-animated man, whose obligatory character flaws I’ll be able to overlook because of his disproportionate musculature. I’ll win over said Prince Charming with my bubbly and effervescent personality, and we will fall hopelessly in love in a ridiculously short amount of time. Unfortunately, many a carefully-crafted subplot and spontaneously choreographed dance number will cross our path on our way to happily ever after. Fortunately, in the end, we’ll ride off into the wonderful Technicolor sunset, and of course, we’ll SING ABOUT IT!

I WANT TO WAKE FROM A SPELL
WITH A MAGICAL KISS.
THEN RIDE OFF INTO UNSCRIPTED MARITAL BLISS.
OH, WHAT COULD BE HAPPIER AND SAPPIER THAN THIS:
JUST WAITING FOR LIFE TO BEGIN?
I’LL BE PART OF YOUR WORLD,
MY REFLECTION WILL SHOW
THAT MY DREAM IS A WISH
THAT MY HEART WANTS TO KNOW,
AND THE WIND IS ALL COLORED
WITH CLICHÉS GALORE,
TILL THAT DAY WHEN PRINCE CHARMING
WILL MARCH THROUGH MY DOOR.
UNTIL THEN I’M STUCK WAITING
THROUGH THICK AND THROUGH THIN,
THE PROVERBIAL LIFE
OF A SOON-TO-BE WIFE,
AND A DISNEY HEROINE!
.

.
As performed by the adorable Cathy Hirsch at the "Girls Night Out" Cabaret!

When It Finally Happens for You

In "Fat Girlfriend" this song is sung by Grandma as a way of cheering Jenny up.
(And, yes, it is based on something my Grandma actually said to me!)



Lyrics:
WHEN IT FINALLY HAPPENS FOR YOU, DON’T WORRY WE’LL LOVE HIM.... WE’LL HAVE TO.
WHEN IT FINALLY HAPPENS FOR YOU, DON’T FRET, WE’LL BE KIND.....OF RELIEVED.
AND I JUST HOPE TO JOSEPH THAT I’M STILL ALIVE
TO SEE THAT THAT MIRACLE MAN HAS ARRIVED
AND HAS BROUGHT YOU THE LOVE THAT I’VE ALWAYS BELIEVED YOU CAN FIND,
WHEN YOU FINALLY COME THROUGH,
AND IT FINALLY HAPPENS FOR YOU.

WHEN IT FINALLY HAPPENS FOR YOU, I’LL SING A HOSANNAH!....IF I'M STILL HERE.
WHEN IT FINALLY HAPPENS FOR YOU, I KNOW YOU’LL DO WELL......WELL, YOU MIGHT.
AND I PRAY TO ST. JUDE OF LOST CAUSES EACH NIGHT
THAT YOU’LL FIND YOUR WAY TO YOUR OWN MR. RIGHT
AND GET YOURSELF HITCHED BEFORE I’M CALLED HOME TO THE LIGHT.
ALL MY DREAMS WILL COME TRUE
WHEN IT FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY HAPPENS FOR YOU

IF YOUR GRANDPA WERE HERE, WE BOTH KNOW HE’D AGREE
THAT WE’RE BOTH AS PROUD AS TWO PEOPLE CAN BE
OF THIS LOVELY YOUNG WOMAN OUR GRANDCHILD HAS TURNED OUT TO BE.
NEVER DOUBT THAT IT’S TRUE.
SOMEDAY OUT OF THE BLUE
IT WILL FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY..... FINALLY HAPPEN FOR YOU.

Me & You

In "FAT GIRLFRIEND: the musical" this song is sung by Kate and Paul in a cheesy, "show-choir-esque" dream sequence.



Lyrics:

PAUL: YOU’LL BE MY MASHED POTATOES, AND I’LL BE YOUR STEAK.

KATE: I’LL BE YOUR JUST DESSERTS, IF YOU’RE MY COFFEE BREAK.

PAUL: YOU’LL BE MY POST-IT NOTE

KATE: IF YOU’RE MY ELMER’S GLUE.

BOTH: LIKE FLEAS AND TICKS, NOBODY STICKS
TOGETHER LIKE ME AND YOU!

PAUL: I’LL BE YOUR CANDY SHELL, IF YOU’RE MY CREAMY CENTER.

KATE: I’LL BE YOUR PIGGY BANK, IF YOU’LL BE MY BIG SPENDER.

PAUL: YOU’RE MY AMERICA.

KATE: AND YOU’RE MY APPLE PIE.

BOTH: LIKE FINGERS AND TOES, NOBODY GOES
TOGETHER LIKE YOU AND I-YI-YI-YI-YI
SAY GOODBYE TO...

PAUL: (spoken) Party of one?

KATE: That’s me.

PAUL: Of course.

KATE: Aw, gee!

BOTH: BON JOUR TO TABLE AFTER TABLE FOR TWO-HOO.
THAT LONELY ME I USED TO BE
IS LONG GONE, OVER, AND DONE.
SAY “HELLO” TO THE BETTER ME I KNOW I’M GONNA BE WITH YOU!
HELLO!

PAUL: TO HAPPY EVER AFTER,

KATE: GOODBYE, TRAGEDY.

BOTH: I’LL BE YOUR STEADY BEAT, IF YOU’RE MY HARMONY!
WE’RE SO DAMN GOOD TOGETHER,
BABE YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE.

KATE: LIKE DAY OR NIGHT, NOBODY’S RIGHT

PAUL: LIKE RAIN OR SHINE, NOBODY’S FINE

KATE: LIKE SODA AND JERKS, NOBODY WORKS

PAUL: LIKE SHOES AND SOCKS, NOBODY ROCKS

BOTH: LIKE ARMS AND PITS, NOBODY FITS
TOGETHER THE WAY WE
DO-DO-DO-DO

KATE: DO-DOOT-DOOT-DO-DO

PAUL: DO-DOOT-DOOT-DO-DO

BOTH: DO-DOOT-DOOT-DO-DO. (smooch!) DOOT DO.

Lullaby

This song is from a show I've been working on for a while called "The Alchemist".
It is sung by a mother to her little girl.



Lyrics:

Good night, my darling
Let slumber take wing
Good night, my darling
the stars start to sing
of a place behind the dreary face of the day
where the fairy tales and wishes come to play.
Watch how they dance for you, my darling,
as you're dreaming away...
Here I'll stay...
till the light...
so my darling, good night.
.
Good night, my darling
beloved child mine.
Good night, my darling,
the stars entertwine
with the stories they are singing sweetly for you
of the love you’ll find and magic you will do.
Why don’t you dream of dancing wildly
as the dreamers all do?
I’ll be true
till the light...
so my darling, good night.
.
And I will wipe out the dragons...
And I will slay every tear...
And you'll be safe and surrounded by love
as long as I am here....
as long as I am here.
.
Good night, my darling
I know you’ll sleep tight.
Be well, my darling
when I’m out of sight
in the place behind the dreary face of the day
where the fairy tales..
and angels come to play
May they stay next to you, my darling
after I’ve gone away
someday...
to the light....
Oh, my darling, good night.
Bless you, darling....
good night.

Some People Stay Safe (their whole lives)

Imagine a high school reunion. The narrator is watching as two of her classmates--high school sweethearts who never left their hometown--dance a sweet little waltz. (ps--ignore the metronome clicks!)



Lyrics:

Some people stay safe their whole lives--happy to.
Some people stay safe with their husbands or wives,
and they’re not missing much of anything
they’d ever really ever miss.
After work: “Wheel of Furtune,”
hot tea, and a kiss.
When they travel, she sleeps while he drives
knowing some people stay safe their whole lives.

Some people stay safe their whole lives--quite content--
some people stay safe with their unsharpened knives
that they keep in the box his mother gave them
on the day the said “I do”
and they promised from now till
forever with you.
And reality never arrives
for those schmucks who stay safe their whole lives.

And it’s hard for someone like me to imagine
finding happiness in stones left unturned
and in bridges uncrosses or in innocence unlost
or in the two-ended torches of life left unburned.

Some people stay safe their whole lives--how the hell
do some people stay happy, loved, lucky, and well?
Where nothing ever really happens
so there’s nothing ever to forgive
and always get to live in paradise
but they never really get to live!
I’d rather live!
But in Eden the apple tree thrives....
for the lucky ones who stay safe their whole lives.
Dammit...
Some people stay safe their whole lives.
.

.
As sung by the amazing Emily Peklo at the "Girls Night Out" Cabaret!

Forever and Back

I wrote this song for my parents' last wedding anniversary. My freshman year of college, my mom and I would email almost every day, and we would always sign our emails, "to [something silly or really far away like "the stars" or "the end of finals week"] and back. This song is for them.



Lyrics:

(Verse 1)
The moment I saw you,
I felt the stars align.
It must have been destiny
that lead your hand to mine.
A million years may come and go,
but my vow will remain.
You are my tomorrow,
and that will never change.

(Chorus)
I will love you
to forever and back.
To the farthest galaxy.
I could fly to the stars and back,
and you’d still be the only light I see.
And though our lives keep burning by,
and time keeps burning on.
My love, you’ll remain,
my life, my flight, and my song.

(Verse 2)
The stronger we’re growing,
the stranger love may seem.
We live in a world of
so many in-betweens
but I am truly standing here,
as I stood yesterday
For a lifetime of tomorrows,
I will take your hand and say:

(repeat chorus)

(Bridge)
Promises are too often made to be broken.
Words of love are too often left unspoken.
So every day I’m finding ways
to tell you what I know
that holding you is heaven,
and I’ll never let you go!

(repeat chorus)

COMMUNION

When I was in 8th grade, my teacher had the following quote up on the wall: “Writing is easy. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.”

That quote has always stayed with me, and it inspired this song.




Lyrics:

Here is my blood on the ground for you.
Here are my dreams spun around for you.
Here are my fears and my tears and my lies.
Here is the world as it looks through my eyes.
Nothing too lovely, beloved our wise,
just hopelessly true.
Here is my blood on the ground for you.

Here I am carved on the wall for you.
Nothing of value at all for you.
Here is the face that so few get to see
Here is a taste of the face yet to be
Maybe it’s crazy to set it all free,
but what else can I do?
Here is my blood on the ground for you.

Here is my life on the stage for you.
Here is a line and a page for you.
Here is the body of who I am now.
All that my ego and strength will allow.
Here is the moment--just don’t ask me how
did I know what to do.

All I know is the music inside of my soul
All I know is rhythm too wild to control.
All that I need and I want and I know how to do
is here in this blood
on the ground for you!
.

.
Performed by the composer at the "Girls Night Out" Cabaret.

Girlz Nite Out--group song

This song--from FAT GIRLFRIEND--is the inspiration for the title of the "Girlz Nite Out" Cabaret. It will be a group number. The lyrics of the intro will be changed slightly, but the body of the song will remain the same.



Lyrics:

GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT
LET’S HAVE A GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT
‘CAUSE HEAVEN KNOWS, HONEY, YOU’VE BEEN IN A SLUMP
WE’LL DRESS YOU UP NICE LIKE A HILTON OR TRUMP
FIND YOU A FELLOW TO BUMP, GRIND, POCKET OR JUMP!
YOU NEED A GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT.


WE’RE HAVIN’ GIRLS NIGHT OUT
TIME FOR A GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT
WE’LL FIND YOU A HARLEY OR COWBOY TO RIDE
THERE’S NOTHIN' TO FEAR, AND THERE’S NOWHERE TO HIDE,
SO GIDDY-UP, BUCKLE UP, AND OPEN WIDE
WE’RE HAVIN GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT

GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT
LET’S HAVE A GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT
GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT
LET’S HAVE A GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT

THESE GIRLS WANNA TASTE THE RAIN.
THESE GIRLS WANNA DACE ALL NIGHT.
THESE GIRLS WANNA STAY UP TO SEE THE SUN.
THESE GIRLS WANNA BE SEEN JUST A LITTLE BIT,
THESE GIRLS WANNA BE TOUCHED, JUST A LITTLE BIT
THESE GIRLS WANNA, THEY WANNA, THEY WANNA, THEY WANNA, THEY WANNA GET
OW--OOOOOOOT TONIGHT!


GIRLS NIGHT OUT
HELL, YEAH, A GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT.
‘CAUSE WE’RE HEAVILY PERFUMED AND SCANTILY CLAD,
FLIRTIN’ LIKE CRAZY, AND DANCIN’ LIKE MAD.
WATCH OUT WORLD, LOOK OUT BELOW.
WE’RE DRESSED TO KILL, AND READY TO GO.
LOCK UP YOUR LITTLE BROTHERS, YOU KNOW
WE WERE BORN TO BE BAD!
THREE CHEERS
FOR GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT
GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT!
GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT!
GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT!

"I Wish"

I watched the door as it stumbled closed,
and I think I heard you sigh on the other side.
A single star in the window frame froze,
and the room aches from the space you left behind....



I wish that I could wish myself in love with you,
And spend myself a lifetime in your eyes.
I wish that I'd want nothing more
than you to end each day.
And wish that after "I love you"
there'd be no more to say.
I would live forever ever so contented, warm, and true
if I could only wish myself in love with you.
.
I dream of one day dreaming of no one but you,
then opening my eyes to see you there.
By candlelight or sunlight,
I could never search for more.
If only you could be the only light
I'm searching for.
And if only I dreamed simple dreams like other people do,
I'd dream that I could only dream of loving you.
.
You are everything my mind knows that my heart would ever need.
How lovely life would be...
if only mind and heart agreed...
.
I wish that I could dream myself away from you,
the leave you safely whole and far behind.
I wish for someone kind
to be the love I never will
and that you'll know that, though I'm gone,
I'm dreaming of you still
And wishing that a cross-eyed star somewhere
would dare undo
the mess I've made of love and life..
by never loving you.

"Jericho"

Jericho



Lyrics:

You are an ivory tower, scratching the sky,
Daring the clouds to cross you,
holding your head high.
You die a little more each day
that you keep the world away.
You're beautiful, and dangerous, and too steep to climb.
.
(Chorus)
When will your walls come down, Jericho?
I will blow my trumpet, I will sing my song,
I will circle you every day.
I will stay. I will wait. I will keep my lanterns lit.
And I'll sit beneath your crumbling gate for the love of it.
And I pray one day you'll see me through your fear.
So when you finally find your defenses failing, Jericho,
In the rubble of your walls:
find me here,
find me here..
.
I offer nothing but two eyes open wide to see
All of the things you are that you hide so selfishly.
I'll be no less or more than you tell me you're ready for.
I'll cover you, discover you, and get stronger with time.
.
But, when will your walls come down...
(Repeat Chorus)
.
You've never been one to surrender.
Why expect you to start now?
But still I can't help wishing
that I could be the one to show you how.
.
(Repeat Chorus)
.

.
As sung by the amazing Megan O'Connell at the "Girls Night Out" Cabaret

APAG--"Tell Me a Story"

This is the first song of the show. A little girl naned Eleanora asks her mother to tell her a bed-time story....
Mamma, tell me a story.
Can you make it a fairy tale,
can you, mamma, I won't sleep a wink
until you think up another adventure for me.
Mamma, tell me a story.
.
Can it be about a prince?
Can it have a mystery in it?
Can there be a little bit of romance?
Can the people dance in it?
Mamma, please.
.
Mamma, tell me a story.
Mamma, sing me a lullaby.
You remember the one with the king
and the dragon who taught him to fly?
Mamma tell me a story.
Can you make it a scary one?
Like the tale of the world and the whale
and the magic that blackened the sun?
Oh, no, I promise I won't be frightened.
I know it's only pretend.
Mamma, start with a dark and stormy night
and don't stop till we get to the end.
Don't stop till the fairy tale ends.
.
Mamma, tell me a story.
With the people I'm dreaming of
Throw in a stranger whose life is in danger
and someone to fall into love.
Mamma tell me a story.
One that's never been told before
Please put me in it, and when you begin it
I'll help you to think of some more.
I know it will be exciting
I love to help you pretend
Mamma, start with Once upon a time
and don't stop till we get to the end.
I'll stay up till we get to the end.
.
Mother: spoken Oh, so YOU want to be in the story tonight? Very well... Hmm, let me think...
Once upon a time,in a faraway kingdom,
there lived a beautiful girl named Eleanora
who pestered her mother every night for a fairy tale before she went to sleep.
.
Little Eleanora: Mamma, that's not very exciting. That's boring. Something has to happen to the little girl. Something sad, maybe. So sad that she has to go off away from her home and have adventures and fall in love and save the kingdom.
.
Mother: Hush, now, I was just getting to the sad part.
.
Little Eleanora: Well, get there faster!
.
Mother: Who's telling this story, you or me? As I was saying, in this faraway kingdom, there was a beautiful young girl named Eleanora, who pestered and pestered her mother for a sad, exciting, and romantic fairy tale every night before she went to sleep.
.
Little Eleanora: Go on.
.
Mother: The little girl was very lucky, because her mother was the most exciting, romantic, and tragic story teller in the whole kingdom.
.
Little Eleanora: Well, of course she was!
.
Mother: Quiet, child. Every night until the little girl's 5th birthday, the little girl, her mother, and her father would sit around the fire and listen to mother's stories.
.
Little Eleanora: What happened on the little girl's birthday?
.
Mother: Instead of a story, Mother had a special announcement. An announcement that made the family very happy: she was going to have a baby. Father and Eleanora hoped it would be a boy, and mother loved them both so much, she hoped whatever it was that would make Eleanora and her father happy. Everyone was excited for the baby to come.

APAG--"Heart of Stone"

A traditional element of musical theatre is the "I want" song, where the protagonist expresses the internal longing that will propel them through the action of the show. "As Pure As Gold" will have a slightly different take on this standard: "Heart of Gold" is an "anti-I-want" song of sorts, where Eleanora explains why she is so determined to never fall in love......
.
Setup: Eleanora is reading through her mother's stories and letters in the chest she left behind and comes across the following love letter from Eleanora's late mother to her father. The letter is read/sung in a voice-over kind of style by the character of Mother/Storyteller who helps to narrate the whole show....
.
Mother/Eleanora:
"My love for you is like the forrest round the tree.
My love for you is like the serpent in the sea.
My love for you is like the castle of a king.
For you, my love, I would do anything, anything.
.
I love you like the mountain loves the sky.
I love you like a dove should love to fly.
I'll love you till the rivers in my body all run dry,
I'll love you till the minute--no, the moment--that I die."
.
Eleanora:
All like this, so many more,
remnants of a sorry a past,
harder than the stories now to read.
How she wasted time on love,
life she wasted dreaming of
a happy ending now she'll never need.
.
(Sarcastically, reading the letter)
I love you, so I'll throw my life away.
I'll give everything I have to give, one day
in giving everything, the price I'll have to pay is just my life.
I'll be your ever-loving wife.
But before the second chapter of our life together's done,
my life will end as I try to give you a son.
Never mind the daughter who now must go forth alone.
Robbed, in fact, by love of love that she will never--she has never known...
No it's not so very different from your stories,
mother...
it's not so very different from your stories...
.
Mother told me all about
a house built out of hay
and how the wolf could easily
just blow that house away.
They built again with sticks and twigs
and tied the roof with twine:
it suffered no less sad a fate
a second tragic time.
.
There is one thing you can use
to build what villians can't abuse,
what wolves and lovers cannot blow apart.
So screw your courage tightly on
until the wolves and pigs have gone
and find a strength that cuts you to the heart.
.
Mother, I have made a promise and I'll keep my vow:
I'll never let the love that killed you touch me now...
.
And so I build my heart of stone
and vow that from now on, I'll face my stars alone.
Fairy tales are make-believe
but broken hearts are real.
I promise that you'll never cry
if you never try to feel,
so steel your mind and find
a star to call your own
and build a steadfast heart of stone.
.
Nothing ever hurts you,
tears will never fall,
stalwart as a fortress
or a mighty castle wall.
All my mother's stories
may have taught me how to dream,
but the way her story ended
taught me stories aren't as lovely as they seem.
.
And so I build my heart of stone
and vow that from now on I'll face my stars alone.
Fairy tales are make believe,
but broken hearts are real.
I promise that you'll never cry
if you never try to feel
so steel your mind and find
a star to call your own and build a steadfast heart of stone.
.
(At this point, the chorus is repeated by Eleanora, while Mother sings the opening "My love for you..." verse in countermelody.)

APAG--Eureka!

(A patter song in which Albert explains to Eleanora why he has dedicated his life to the study of Alchemy and, consequently, to the service of the prince)
.
ALBERT:
A man will climb a mountain just because it's there.
A man will steal a jewel just because the stone is rare.
A man would catch a thunderhead to prove he can.
And I am just a man like any other man.
.
A fool chases nightmares that do not exist.
A wise man finds reality within the mist.
An alchemist is driven by the need to know,
for something's always possible if man can think it so.
.
A man will stick with courage when the prospects all are bleak.
A man will find the answers that the men around him seek.
A man will dream of insight that might hit him like a streak.
A man like me must realize that such men are unique.
For when I wake, and when I rise, and when I eat, and when I work, and even when to someone such as you I speak....
.
It's all about "Eureka"!
that moment when the thing you seek you thought that you would never ever find
becomes a candle glowing, growing, burning brightly in your mind,
that all-elusive and anticipated
flash of insight liberated
from the depths of muse-kept slumber till you give it wings
and let it fly....
.
It's when the stars are lining up
and pointing to the holy cup
that's overflowing with the secrets and the mysteries of time,
and there is not a mountain made by man
or gods of old or new that you will find
too insurmountable to climb,
it's when the star that's you will shine.
.
And all your eyes and ears are open
to potentials strange and new
and every path mankind has ever
and has never trod unfolds itself to you
and in the moment when the planets in your honor start to sing,
a crazy, driven, absent-minded, maybe even brilliant man like me feels like a king!
.
ELEANORA:
Now, wait! I hesitate to say this:
But how can you be sure that your Eureka thing exists?
You've never found the answers to your very noble quest.
IT seems to me, "eureka's" still ellude you and at best,
it looks like all that you can show for all your work from tales you've told
is proof of 97 ways you can't make gold!
.
ALBERT:
Oh, I never tried to say I wasn't crazy.
After 97 failures, why keep coming back for more?
But when I'm through each day,
I can say that I've learned one more way
to fail than I knew yesterday,
and two more than I knew the day before.
.
I guess it means that I'm a bit romantic.
I dream and plain and wait for things that I may never see.
But it keeps my spirits high
if I just believe that someday I
will look into the sky and find
Eureka's sweet epiphany.
And then, my dear new friend, the world will see...
It's all about "Eureka!"
the long-awaited flash of sweet and mighty light you always knew existed
after many years of struggle comes unhidden and untwisted
from the vault of undiscoverable
brilliance and uncoverable
answers to a morning when a single spark can set a whole new
world on fire...
.
And the stones are all aglow
with all the secrets that they know
and that stars and stones and muses have bequeathed to you.
And there is not a story told by men or angels here or after
that has words and breadth and depth enough to ever hope to capture
what if feels when all your senses see and hear and taste anew.
.
And the world will be my playground, like a puppet on a string.
For when Eureka's shower down on you, the playground is the thing
and in the moment when the planets, in your honor, start to sing,
a man like me can truly be the univere's king.
A crazy, driven, single-minded, philosophic, scientific, unexciting, unappealing, overworked and underfeeling man like me can truly be a king.
.
And that, my dear, is why I do this thing.

APAG--"My Greatest Discovery"

Albert invites Eleanora to his lab, in order to share with her his "amazing breakthrough that will surely change both our lives." She, of course, assumes that he has figured out how to turn base metal into gold and secured their freedom from the castle.
.
ALBERT:
I have asked you here today
with the pomp and circumstance
of a man who's finally done it
who has finally got the chance
to see the truth
that's sure to set him free,
to truly understand the world I truly try to see
objectively...
and for once it's all so strangely clear to me.
The mysteries and elements have chosen to align,
driven by a catalyst that I cannot define
to create this moment I've been waiting for and reaming of.
It's not the gold, my friend, it's not the gold, it's...
always been in front of me.
So, what's a lonely man like me to do?
.
I'm telling you, it'syou...
.
You are my greatest discovery.
My heart has never spun so wildly.
I feel it pulsing like a star,
I'm being drawn to where you are.
Who knew that I could be
so mesmerized by gravity?
It's time to re-examine all the things I thought I knew,
for the greatest thing I'll ever know is what I felt when I discovered you.
.
I am a man who looks for truth
for gold and black and white.
I work methodically through the day
and sleep alone at night,
and till today I never thought I needed more.
But all along, it wasn't gold I hungered for.
I thought that all the questions had impossibly compounded.
Then a perfectly beauitiful answer arrives:
EUREKA, I HAVE FOUND IT!
.
You are my gretaest discovery.
My heart has never spun so wildly.
I feel it pulsing like a star,
I'm being drawn to where you are.
Who knew that I could be
so mesmerized by gravity?
I'ts time to throw out all the stupid things I thought I knew.
The greatest thing I'll ever know is what I felt when I discovered you.
.
Let me discover you.
Let me discover you.
.
(As the song ends, Albert begins to awkwardly "put the moves on" Eleanora, and the audience can see that she is torn---does she stay true to her vow to forswear love forever, or does she listen to her heart? Ultimately, she runs away...)

APAG--"What Are You So Afraid Of?

After Albert professes his love for Eleanora in the song "My Greatest Discovery," Eleanora runs off in confusion and fear.....

(This song is in a very irregular meter, following a 3/4, 4/4, 3/4, 2/4 pattern in the A sections and staying in 5/4 for the B sections)

What are you so afraid of?
Are you frightened to feel his touch?
Or could it be that trusting him would
open your heart too much?
What are you so afraid of?
Can't you see that he's just a man?
All you have to do is let him in, but somehow...
I don't think I can.

Are you scared to be happy?
Are you scared of the pain?
Do you fear what's occuring
is too much to sustain?
Are you scared of forgetting
who you've been all along?
You are sure he's mistaken,
But what if you became the one who's wrong?

What are you so afraid of?
Are you frightened of what he'll see?
Once all your walls have crumbled down what
will your defenses be?
What are you so afraid of?
Can't you see that his heart is good?
I'm afraid my mind will not allow
my heart...to act as it should.

Are you scared of the moment
when your stars will collide?
Are you scared to be emptied?
Or of what he'll find inside?
Do you fear all the judgment
that you know the world may pass?
He's the first man to offer
But should you fear that he may be the last?

What are you so afraid of?
There's a power that flows within.
So could it be that you may drown if
you ever dare begin?
What are you so afraid of?
Can't you open your heart and trust?
Close you eyes and gather all your strength, and somehow..
do what you must.

Here you have a man with beauty and humility.
Here you have a chance to be the woman mother dreamed you'd be.
Here the stars have given you a golden opportunity to love.
What is there in this to fear... What are you so afraid of?

APAG--"My Father's Son"

This piece is a duet between the Prince (who wishes to win the heart--Ok, more like the alleged potential fortune) of the Miller's Daughter, and an alchemist named Albert who is also kept in the Prince's employ for the purpose of creating gold to finance the struggling kingdom. Both men feel the presence of their late fathers in their lives, but in very different ways....

PRINCE:
My father's son is sitting on his father's knee.
I feel the moment fading back from memory.
My father's hands were big and strong then, my own hands were small.
He offered me the world: I could not hold it all.
.
But time flowed through its bloody veins,
and soon the man that boy became
was cutting corners, dragons, and his losses.
My father's son is on his knees again;
he prays for strength he needs to lead the men
whose futures are his crosses.
.
But how can my father's son become the man his father was
and step out of the shadows father cast?
Though father wasn't always right,
he lived and lead with all his might:
a legacy that beats for me a heavy-handed drum.
Oh, what will my father's son become?.
.
ALCHEMIST:
My father's son is bent across his father's knee.
I feel the moment, even in my memory.
My father's hands were big and strong then; my heart wanted more.
It wasn't father's legacy I hungered for.
.
But time turned on its bloody head,
and with the boy's dreams nearly dead,
he stumbled on the wonders of discovery.
My father's son has dropped his father's name.
He wouldn't dare deny from where he came,
but knows that greather things are yet to be.
.
Just don't let my father's son become the man his father was.
Let him create a future of his own.
Though father wasn't always wrong,
a man can only wait so long
to turn from grace to fleeing from that heavy-handed drum.
Oh, what will my father's son become?.

BOTH:
A man is burned like ashes
into the halls of time,
not by who he is or what he's done,
but who he leaves behind...
.
.
(Then both repeat their boldface choruses in canon, ending with...)
What will my father's son become?
What will my father's son become?